my earliest crushes were brilliant

Very first:

...at about age three. Mom said if I ever brought one of those home she'd kill me. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't like me being with a singer. ?????

Next:

...at about age four. Mom just laughed.

And, at first I hated him for replacing Korla Pandit, but... well... then I got a crush on him too:

Both Mom and Gramma were beside themselves with mirth over this one.

We, all of us, would be riveted to every Elvis performance on tv, but the crush part didn't come until he started doing his dumb movies:


But, then... then came John:

Is it any wonder I never got married?